Sex Ideas: You’ve certainly heard of emotional intelligence, that is, the ability to manage emotions to have good relationships, personal, professional and loving. But a few years ago, Sheree Conrad and Michael Milburn, both psychologists and professors at the University of Massachusetts, in the United States, conducted research that resulted in a book that brought the concept of sexual intelligence to light .
According to researchers, sexual intelligence can be developed, but for that it takes some important steps. For psychologists Denise Miranda de Figueiredo and Marina Simas de Lima, founders of Instituto do Casal , sexual intelligence has nothing to do with having a beautiful body and knowing the biology of sex. “Sexual intelligence depends on several factors and is directly linked to the feelings aroused by sex and how the person manages to experience them”, they comment.
For Denise, the absence of sexual intelligence is mainly due to ignorance and prejudices in relation to sex formed during life. “Many factors can negatively impact sexuality, such as religion and the type of education received. If the education received was repressive in relation to sex, for example, the person can carry with them many prejudices and have difficulties in dealing well with their own sexuality, ”she says.
To go from theory to practice, Denise and Marina selected 9 tips for developing sexual intelligence. See below:
- Explore your own body
That’s the first lesson to improve your sexual intelligence. Every part of the body must be analyzed. This goes for men and women. Erogenous zones vary from person to person, so it is important to understand exactly where they are located, what kind of stimulation brings pleasure, etc. For women we recommend using mirrors to explore the vagina. For men and women masturbation is also important in this process.
- Forget the myths and prejudices
Despite the “apparent” sexual freedom of modern life, the main sexual problems are still linked to education and religion, in addition to beliefs built throughout life. Sex does not match preconceived ideas or rigidity. The human being is the only living being who has sex for pleasure and for that it is necessary to break free from the shackles.
- Talk about what you like and what you don’t like
The other is under no obligation to guess your preferences. The couple needs to have an open communication channel when it comes to sex. Each one needs to tell the other their fantasies, desires, what they like, what they don’t like, etc.
- Use creativity
Creativity is everything when it comes to sex, especially in a long-term relationship. Different places, different positions, costumes, everything is valid, as long as there is a good agreement for both.
- Free yourself from guilt
You can’t be happy in sex if there’s a feeling of guilt. If this gets in the way in bed, solve it in therapy.
- Cultivate self-love
A person who has a well-developed sexual intelligence deals very well with the appearance of the body, that is, regardless of the size of the penis, having cellulite, stretch marks or being overweight, it doesn’t matter when having sex. Self-esteem is essential, as is self-love.
- Differentiate fiction from reality
Real life is not the same in movies, nor in romantic ones, much less in erotic ones. Men and women often try to seek positions or fantasies that only exist on film sets. Erotic movies can even help some couples when they are excited, but they can also create false expectations and comparisons in both. Here’s the tip.
- Overcome your inhibitions
Sex can be a problem when the person has certain inhibitions, such as having sex with the light on, avoiding oral sex or not wanting the other to do it, having sex in clothes, etc. Each inhibition can and should be worked on to bring more quality to your sex life. Many women, for example, think that no matter how clean they are, the smell of the vagina is not pleasant and that is why they do not accept oral sex. If she really doesn’t like it, then it should be respected. But if he doesn’t accept it because of a belief about the odor, it can be overcome.
- log in
The ability to connect with others is key. To really connect you need to disconnect from the rest of the world, literally. Like? Turn off the TV, cell phone, computer. Look into the eyes, kiss, hug, listen to a song. It’s no secret, but in a world where people live connected to the outside world, it can be difficult to connect internally. Connection should be a daily exercise.
“Sexual intelligence can indeed be developed, with training, time and maturity. People need to understand that it is necessary to invest in their sexual life, just as they invest in other areas of life. Reading, taking courses, seeking therapy, if that’s the case, getting to know your own body, understanding what you like and what you don’t are some tips to put into practice”, conclude Marina and Denise.
More ideas to change your sexual routine
- The bathtub. .. Is there anything more erotic than taking a bath or shower together, with candles and scents included? The laughs count too!
- As in “Nine and a Half Weeks of Love” playing with food can be very fun and sensual. If you haven’t tried it yet, go for it!
- Pretend to be strangers. Meet at a bar or a park and pretend you don’t know anything about each other… just start saying whatever comes into your head; this can actually be quite fun.
- The massages. Both men and women love massages, and this is a good way to start… A massage with a happy ending! You’ll love! But you better ask your partner what he likes and what he doesn’t. There are situations where a foot massage, for example, may not be very erotic.
- The erotic phone call. Call the person and say a few things… By the time you meet him, you’ve already set the stage. A call, an e-mail or an erotic what’s app can be more than stimulating.
- A striptease. Generally, stripteases please everyone. This usually causes a lot of smiles in women; it’s a good way to start. And for men it is tremendously erotic. If you do it well, with music, appropriate clothing and a warm environment… it can be a lot of fun.
- Unusual places. You don’t even have to leave the house… the washing machine, the rug, etc. are a good way to escape the routine.
- Sexual fasting. Today there will be a total sexual fast. They’re not even worth kissing… You can’t even talk. You will see the result the next day!
- Dress up special . Do not neglect your clothes at these times. Sex arrives in many ways, through the smell, the image, the whispers, the caresses … get ready in a special way for your partner at that moment.
And on the beach…
The beach is a very favorable place for sexual games, always respecting the rest of the people on the beach.
- 10. Toys at sea. Playing in the water is for everyone, not just the youngest. You can look for a deserted beach so you don’t feel uncomfortable.
- 11. Putting sunscreen on each other … Sometimes we are upset or withdrawn; contact is essential to revive feelings and passions. Offer to put the sunscreen on your partner.
- Rubbing is affection… The beach is a good excuse to rub against each other while lying on the towel; it helps cheer you up… for when you get home.